A plastic tiara reminded me that I am more extrovert than I thought I was
“Do you remember that one time you turned up to work wearing a plastic tiara?”
It was a cold and rainy day and I had gone into my old Saturday job supermarket to pick up some bits, a former colleague of mine caught my eye and I went over for a chat. Bearing in mind I hadn’t seen them for some time, this sentence was the first thing they said to me:
“Do you remember that one time you turned up to work wearing a plastic tiara?”
I could feel the astonishment fill my body, I had honestly completely forgotten about this, and I couldn’t believe that I turned up for a shift wearing a plastic tiara. I took some time to remember why I was wearing it, and then I remembered - it was to do with a royal event. I was quite thrown by my act of boldness as especially at the time I was in my early 20s and wasn’t my most confident self.
It made me reflect on the times in my life when I have thrown caution to the wind and done something completely out of character, as well as out of character in terms of people's expectations or ideas of me.
Back in 2015 I was on the tail end of my four month travel trip with a group that had travelled around the west coast of America. On our last evening together, we all went to a karaoke bar in San Francisco. I could feel the urge to sing building up inside of me, but I was also afraid to sign up. I ended up cajoling a fellow traveller, an Australian named Vinnie, to sing a duet with me. We wrote our names down, along with our song choice, and waited our turn. I remember an eternity of time passing and my nerve was starting to fail. Eventually our names got called out and the first few bars started to play, Summer Nights from Grease. I rallied, got completely lost in the moment and sung my heart out. There is a video of this, as one of my fellow travellers recorded it on their phone and then put it on Facebook. I’ve occasionally caught a glimpse of it over the years and every time I watch it full of amazement, as I am hyping up the crowd and getting them to sing along. I remember friends and family at the time being completely stunned by this, they couldn’t believe it was me when they watched the video.
Another time was in a club (not somewhere I would frequent now but in my early twenties I went out to a club in Covent Garden with some work colleagues) the bartender made me a drink on the house and afterwards we chatted. Everyone I was with was stunned at this interaction as I was always seen as the quiet one in the corner. Then I danced the night away with carefree abandon, when the night ended they were all agog that this was how the night unfolded.
The biggest surprise that came to those that know me was when I signed up to do a two week acting course at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama last year. I think I even surprised myself how resolutely I knew that I wanted to do it. I was still working at the time so had to wait for my holiday to be cleared to do it, but I was so willing and determined to attend that I think I pushed it into being. I felt an incredible rush of excitement when I booked it.
Dance, acting, improvisation, script work, singing, movement and screen work were just some of the things I encountered during the course. For a hot second I did wonder if I would hate it but I absolutely adored the experience and it taught me that I can do anything, and I threw myself fully in. I’d never done anything like it before, and I felt so brave and so creatively satisfied. Even now, it makes me smile when I reminisce about this experience.
I find it fascinating when people are surprised at an action or choice you make that to them seems unexpected and out of character. I get a little tingle of joy when their eyes widen when I recount these and other tales. Not only that, but I think I have always been this person. Looking back at some of these events, they seemed more like flashes of lightening, but from the decision of leaving my job and beyond, my true character and self has fully emerged from deep within me. It feels like I’ve been set free, and now I have nothing to prove or censor. It's been a really interesting exploration finding a place to settle that serves both my introvert and extrovert self.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have you done anything that surprised those around you? Do you think you have a good balance of your self?