Having a moment to contemplate
It has taken me a long time to get to this moment, finally reaching my early 30s and realising that I have to stop and nourish myself in order to function.
I was sat outside one spring evening - last Friday to be exact, the dappled sunlight hitting my face and I had my eyes closed listening to the bird song. It had been a really long day at work and having that moment of peace felt like I was refilling my battery ready to face another day.
I was taking back my time and actually giving my self a break to build up my energy.
It has taken me a long time to get to this moment, finally reaching my early 30s and realising that I have to stop and nourish myself in order to function. I now get acupuncture, have my nails done every so often, see friends and family, read a book and try to make sure I have at least some time outside if I can in the fresh air. I feel better if I have time in the forest or by the sea, the sea air clears my mind and also has a calming affect on me.
These acts didn’t come easily to begin with and the guilt that I felt that I was taking back my time to do something for myself rather than being productive was immense. It was a tiring inner monologue that went back and forth for many years, the art of taking back my time has been a tricky one to master.
I’ve finally got to the stage of saying no to something if it’s not going to serve me or drain my energy. (Not saying I still don’t attend some social functions and practically count down the minutes looking at my watch wishing I was somewhere else) But I like to think I have become more balanced or at least hope I have the agency and strength now to say no to things.
I have realised I need the quiet and sometimes I have even taken myself off on a walk or into another room just to get some rest and recalibrate. I can actually recognise when I am getting stressed or anxious as my left side of my body almost runs down, I get sinus pain and pain in my knee and leg, my focus and my motivation also go down. The fact I can feel this now and realise what is going on is quite outstanding to me as I think previously I would of just kept going and ignored these things. I feel more intuitive with my body.
I still have my high alert meerkat or what if? days as I like to call them ( when I’m on high alert from being stressed or anxious) but the fact I recognise them is a good thing and that is when I try and take back my time. It’s not always easy and some days I just want to collapse in a heap on the floor and cry but taking these moments when I can helps me feel alive again and not feeling like a mindless zombie on a perpetual treadmill.
Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit. Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.
Saint Francis de Sales
The little acts I have noticed I now do include:
Taking the time to actually dry my hair properly.
Looking out of a window and taking in the scenery.
Writing things down and actually having the time to be creative
Spending time with friends and family.
Having a chat with a friend who you have not spoke to for a long time.
Being able to speak freely and not filter your words
The joy of buying books and stationery
Buying the custard choux bun
Saying I actually need some time to sit and read
Sitting outside with a glass of water and reading a book
Taking a tea break at work
Taking a moment to put on my watch, earrings and lipstick before leaving to go to work
I have been told that my face is extremely expressive and immediately exposes my emotions even if I am not expressing these through speech. As time has gone by the awareness of my emotions has changed and I have become more comfortable with this and expressing myself. I think this is also a result of taking back my time and allowing myself to express my inner feelings, which has taken me a long time to do. I am still working on this, but its reassuring to know that I am now showing and speaking my emotions rather then tightly knotting them into a ball and only releasing them at breaking point.
Do you take a moment to contemplate or take back your time? Is there anything you do that soothes you or takes you back from the brink? Does taking a moment allow you to recharge and rest? Have you noticed any changes in your self if you just take a moment?