Staring at the blank page before you
A bunch of moments, things, and thoughts about returning to writing
For the past couple of months not one single idea has zinged into my brain. No bolts of inspiration have struck, and no ‘a-ha’ moments have caused me to rush to open my laptop to type out a flow of words.
I have felt creatively stuck and unable to think of a single thing to write on here. It’s felt like I’ve been in hibernation mode, where the need to conserve energy overruled everything else. My interest in Substack also receded, and I found myself looking at my inbox, feeling overwhelmed.
This feeling of a creative quagmire was also tangled up with moments which resulted in me making Bloom and Grow private. I needed a breather as I had experienced an influx of follows and adds in the new year that turned out to be mostly bots. I also encountered my first unsolicited DMs, which put me off even more as it felt like my space had been invaded.
Then one day I decided to take control, so I went on a blocking spree. I still didn’t feel the physical pull to write again, but this action made me feel better, and then something unexpected and magical happened, a glimmer of hope appeared amongst the greyness.
I took part in a task at an induction where we had to choose two cards, one that represented how we felt at that moment and one that represented ‘belonging’. We were then told to move around the room and explain our choices to the people we met. One of the people I encountered asked ‘are you a writer?’ after I explained my choices and I stood there flabbergasted. They continued to say that the way I explained my answers was like a writer, as they were thoughtful, observational, and full of depth.
The grin I elicited from this interaction with a complete stranger stretched from ear to ear.
Ever so slowly, the impetus to write again arose, like a tiny shoot pushing its way through the soil reaching for the sun. It’s strength and momentum was then hastened by a weekend of creativity I experienced. I took myself out for delicious dinners, attended a performance of Much Ado About Nothing, and went to a 30th Anniversary screening and Q & A for Sense and Sensibility.
Soaking up the creative energy and allowing myself to be fully immersed in these experiences with like-minded people reenergised me, it unlocked the padlock I had placed over writing and woke up my idle creative energy.
I’m not saying I have a ton of ideas queuing up ready to jump onto the page or that I’m now going to be showing up every single week with a fresh bit of writing. But the joy of writing has returned, and I am going to take baby steps, as it’s a feeling that I want to keep safe and not scare away.
I’ve just turned Bloom and Grow off private, and it felt quite emotional. To see all my pieces reappear on my profile reminded me that I am proud of what I’ve achieved on here and how far I have come.
No one else, no one else
can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten…
Hi, my name is Emma and I write Bloom and Grow. Thanks for taking the time to read my writing.
Bloom and Grow is a place of exploration and discovery. A collection of pieces that come from my soul. I write about moments in my life, creative revelations and life changing experiences. Join me as I find my voice and discover my true self.