The dance of the unfamiliar

I feel like the unfamiliar can completely alter your mood, actions and awareness of yourself and your reaction to others around you.

I was watching someone wander around after buying a sandwich, they were looking at the tables and their inhabitants with a furrowed brow. All of the tables left to sit at were taken up by one person sitting on a table of four with three spare chairs. After pacing up and down the person gave up and walked away, even though they could have easily sat at one of the tables. After seeing this it made me think of the many scenarios I have been in where unease or anxiety have dictated how I react to certain situations.

Just the other day I went from feeling completely at ease sat at a table with three people I knew at lunchtime to complete unease as soon as they had to leave. I was left alone and I suddenly felt very self conscious and uncomfortable. It was in a crowded, warm and loud environment which probably didn’t help. I couldn’t believe how quickly my mind switched on a dime in a matter of a few seconds. In the end I sat for another 10 minutes or so ( although it felt like an eternity) and then as my uncomfortableness spiked I walked out of the room and went outside.

I sometimes feel like there are two versions of me in a social situation. One version can quite comfortably sit at a table by myself to eat dinner in a restaurant, or speak to people I don’t know or dance uninhibited at a wedding and the other version can’t bear interaction with people I don’t know in a situation I am unfamiliar with. I think it’s a lot to do with how the outside and inner thoughts are connected and it then affects us in certain situations.

It’s interesting when I talk to other people about this they have said they experience the same thing in different situations. For example, I know someone who is on many dating apps and can easily be speaking to lots of people at a time ( this feels very alien to me and absolutely terrifies me and its something I could never do) but then they can not eat by themselves in a restaurant and would never entertain the idea. It’s really interesting how the unfamiliar can affect people so differently.

I think that perception and stress play a large part in this as well, be it our own or how we think other people are perceiving us.

As Catherine Pulsifer once said…

‘How we perceive a situation and how we react to it is the basis of our stress. If you focus on the negative in any situation, you can expect high stress levels. However, if you try and see the good in the situation, your stress levels will greatly diminish.’

I also think confidence also plays a huge part in this, for me certainly I know if I am not feeling confident or comfortable I don’t feel I can be my true self or even express myself as clearly in a familiar or unfamiliar situation. But then other times I relish being somewhere unfamiliar knowing I can go about and do whatever I want and no one knows who I am. It’s rather freeing!

The unfamiliar can bring complete freedom or it can create a barrier around you.

Do you find that you can be more yourself in a familiar or unfamiliar environment? Or can it really depend on a number of factors?