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My first week back in the working world
This week was the first time in 15 months that I have worked a full working week. My new job started, and I returned to the world of 9 to 5. Getting to know people, the lay of the land and how it all worked. It felt like I was learning to ride a bike again, although I had the muscle memory it was amazing how many things I’d forgotten. It was like I was relearning a version of me that had been left in the garage gathering dust. I had to wake up office Emma, shake off the dust and bring her back to life.
I decided to write about my experience this week because it’s been really interesting observing how I have coped. I’ve noticed how much I have adapted, and I’ve learnt how much my year of nothing has changed my state of mind and how I react to things. I also noticed how calm I’d felt all week (but now I do feel exhausted!) and I wanted to explore it.
On my first day I managed to get on the wrong bus to the tube station (amazingly I didn’t panic) and sat for about 30 minutes heading in a completely different direction from the one that I had anticipated. Luckily, thanks to a handy app, I worked out I could get the tube I needed from where I was heading, so I stayed on the bus until I reached my new tube station destination. I know for a fact that old me would have absolutely panicked about this, but instead I turned it into a funny anecdote when a new colleague asked how my journey was into the office. Having this experience even before I started showed me how much I had changed.
When I needed a drink or a comfort stop I asked where the kitchen and bathroom was and even on my workplace tour (which occurred straight after I arrived) I asked if I could go and freshen myself up. I know for certain that in the past I would have ignored my basic needs, and it felt empowering that even in a new environment I was raising my voice straight away.
I feel that my year of nothing has made me stronger, and I hope that as my working weeks and months progress I don’t forget that. I do feel the whispers of anxiety and the ‘what is to come’ questions looming, but I am not going to let them consume me. I am acknowledging them, but they are not going to overtake my space.
Someone said to me that excitement and fear are two sides of the same coin and keeping it balanced can be tricky, but if it flips to fear to remember that excitement is just on the other side.
I feel proud that I made it through my first week and that I am writing about it, even though I am full of cold. It seems the “back to school” exposure of mixing with new people brought with it the inevitable autumnal illness. But apart from that, I actually feel ok, which is really pleasing to me.
I am determined not to lose all the things that make me happy, so I know that I’m going to have to adapt, move things around and really listen to my body to make it work. It’s all part of my returning to work experiment and it will be a process of trial and error until I settle into my new routine. Taking one pedal at a time as I learn to ride my bike again.