Past lives, time portals, and circles
The connections of self
As some of you may know, I’ve recently started a new job in London, and it’s been a period of huge adjustment as I have moved from my year of nothing to working 9 to 5. I went from zero to one hundred, and unsurprisingly this warp-speed change of pace has been challenging, invigorating, exhausting and thought-provoking.
One of the most surprising things that’s arisen during this time has been the emergence of an intense feeling of reflection and nostalgia. It seems going back to a work environment in London a decade on from when I was last there has opened up a bank of emotions, thoughts, and moments of deep connection to my past self and her experiences. It has opened up an inner portal to my past, and I feel like I am experiencing some form of time travel where I can acutely feel and see my 24-year-old self as she navigates through the city and her life.
I have never felt this strong of a connection to the past, and it feels like it’s been amplified to a hundred. I feel like I could climb through the portal and take past me by the hand and tell her that everything she is experiencing is part of the building blocks that make her. That all the wild experiences, good and bad, would ultimately shape and help her grow, mature, and release her inner self. And that although she feels a little lost, in the future she would become more comfortable with who she is.
The synchronicity of this connection occurring made me want to research why it happened, and I found a fascinating explanation, called Context-Dependent Memory.
Context-Dependent Memory is a phenomenon in which the retrieval of memories is stronger when it occurs in the same environment or context in which the memories were originally formed.1
I was experiencing a really strong form of memory recall because I was back in the same environment that my memories from 10 years ago were formed. This connection made me realise that I didn’t fully process my experiences at the time. Back then I went from an intense job, to travelling for four months to then coming home and being diagnosed as type 1 diabetic. I shut all the feelings and memories away tightly in a box as my life-changing diagnosis blew everything out of the water.
Being in a work environment in London brought back these memories with such startling clarity, but it also made me realise that I am in totally different place to where I was before and that although it seems like I am going through a similar situation, in fact I am bringing 10 years worth of life experience and perspective to the situation I am in now. I can take a step back, process the memories and remember I am different to who I was then. I am navigating my life with a different mindset and the process of exploring this connection has helped me to understand that my past life isn’t in control of my future one.
https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/neuroscience/context-dependent-memory