What a difference a year makes

An exploration of an awakening.

Southbourne beach, 2023

Last year was a year of change, of huge discoveries and taking back of space. I’d had a feeling back in 2022 that 2023 was going to bring a wave of newness and change but not to the extent that it did. I quit my job, worked on myself physically and mentally and opened myself back up to the creative world.

Last year was a whirlwind and I documented it heavily, through writing and self taped videos. I have never experienced such a strong urge to document my life and 2023 seemed to be the catalyst to do so. I remember recording a video at 1am on the first of January as I had such a strong urge that things were going to change. I didn’t know how this would unfold or what this urge meant but I wanted to make a record of it. I took control of my life and also took a step back. I finally listened to my deeply buried intuition and rebuilt my soul.

I let in so many more things, including things that I loved but pushed out of the way due to stress and my blinkered approach to life which was to just keep swimming. But I wasn’t just swimming, I was barely keeping my head above the water.

When I finally decided to take charge of my life again, I realised how much I could not recognise the person I had become. Although I was still me, I had dulled down my personality, likes and personal feelings. I was just surviving and although I was still doing things that I liked I felt like I wasn’t truly all there.

It got to the middle of the year and I experienced a change of direction within my internal self. It swung towards what I wanted and not what I thought I should want. My self worth returned. Around this time I had also booked a two week acting summer course, been attending acupuncture, working on my mental health and started writing. It seemed that they all aligned at the same time and this resulted in me taking back my power and quitting my job. There was no fear attached when I announced that I wanted to quit my job, just a wave of peace and contentment.

"You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean, in a drop."

Rumi

I brought an orchid last year that never seemed to bloom, no matter how much I googled how to look after it or kept watering it every two weeks - nothing happened. I almost gave up on it, but I something told me to hang onto it. When I arrived back from Australia I found 20 buds sprinkled over its branches and a couple of flowers were opening. It amazed me, this little plant mirrored my experience. It needed a year to rebuild itself and now it’s blooming, full of potential for this year.

The miracle orchid

When I sat down and wrote my calendar for 2024, it was so interesting looking back at the pages from 2023. To see how each month’s scribblings and events brought back memories of my journey. It felt like the nearer I got to the end of the year I was slowly emerging from my chrysalis. Reforming and eager to learn, to engage and embrace new ideas and experiences.

The first couple of weeks of 2024 seemed more peaceful than the start of the year before. I stood outside one day in patch of sunlight in the garden wrapped up in a big warm coat with a cup of tea. I lifted my face towards the sun as the sunlight entered my body I felt a wave of calm. Allowing myself to gently ease into the new year has made a huge difference to my mindset and overall feeling of how this year will unfold.

I have been practising yoga each day and also been mindful of trying to let the day pass without pressure or stress. They both still do leak through from time to time but I try not to put so much power into them now.

I still don’t have a job but I’m ok with that, maybe as the weeks unfold it might change but I actually feel like whatever is meant to come will come. I’ve got myself into such a good place that I don’t want to shoehorn myself into something I will later regret.

I have no clue what will happen this year but I’m hopeful that it will be another year of exploration and awakening. It may be bumpy or it may be smooth but there is no pressure to keep the journey on the straight and narrow.

Life is not straight forward and I have an open heart to whatever comes next.

How has your 2023 been? Has anything happened that has made a difference to your life? Will you allow yourself to take the new year gently?

“Those who flow as life flows know they need no other force.”

LAO TZU